Das Mixture

Last Mile Lounge - Slow Commentary

Opening Statement

The Lounge is currently taking up space in Utah - the beehive state. I am not sure if this refers to the hairdo or the insect.

Several weeks ago, the New York Times stirred the running pot once again by featuring this article. Essentially, it was an attempt at discourse that came off as an argument against slower runners at Marathons, thus prompting retorts from many a running blogger. I wanted to mull on it for a few weeks before responding. That time is here.

Let me say that if I were to classify myself as a runner, I would be considered a middle of the pack runner - but toward the back of said pack. There are plenty of people who would classify me as slow and  others who would consider me as fast (or at least faster than them).

The arguments being made for accommodating slower runners include better visibility for a race because of participation numbers; higher financial return for the host city because of increased runners and visitors; and higher fundraising numbers, also because of increased participation.

Some of the arguments against slower runners include diminishing the accomplishment of "running" a marathon when someone can walk every mile and receive a medal; the purist point of view that running a marathon should be "exactly" that - "running" a marathon; and budgetary costs to keep courses open longer and provide medical services to larger bodies of runners.

Arguments aside, USATF, the governing body that sets down the rules and certifies the marathon courses, has opted not to do anything to stem the perceived dilution of the marathon product. Seriously, USATF could easily put a standard time limit in the rule book. Any course that opts to provide for longer time limits doesn't get certified. If you don't think that won't get the attention of Race Directors, pull up the FAQ for any marathon and one of the questions is always - Is this a Boston Qualifier? 

I am not necessarily advocating the above action. But the sport, whether we're talking about a 5K race or a 100 mile race, has the ability to determine its direction. The current course of action has led to growing numbers of runners entering races, slower average finishing times, and a base of "committed" runners who feel as if their accomplishments are being cheapened. The reality is, the first statement carries a lot of weight - isn't it the goal to grow your sport?

At one point, running a marathon was like playing Major League Baseball. You pretty much had to be an elite or up and coming runner to even consider giving it a shot. Nowadays, most marathons are like the local little league; every kid can sign up; every kid is guaranteed to play; and at the end of the season, each kid gets a trophy.

I can understand why runners who train five (plus) days a week, in all types of weather, would forego wearing a marathon finisher shirt because the dude down the street with the jelly roll has one exactly like it and wears it every time he steps outside. In the spirit of Pheidippedes, a marathon is meant to be a challenge, not a walk in the park. However, many races have either extended the length of time the course is open to as much as nine hours (a few have no time limits at all) or have allowed slower runners/walkers to begin their quest hours before the official marathon starts, while still being eligible for all the finisher swag.

This is how the marathon has evolved. The event has grown by introducing the half marathon distance and catering to slower runners. As a runner - fast or slow, you can take it or leave it. Heck, there are plenty of ultras to be run. Seeing a marathon that bills itself as "walker friendly" should ring the same bells as a 5K advertised as a "fun run." Personally, I avoid "fun runs" not because of slower runners, but because of a lack of etiquette. That said, I support any runner, regardless of their distance or speed.

Let me fall back on the challenge aspect of running a marathon, because I think this it what it boils down to. I believe that many runners often forget that the challenge is different for each person who laces up their shoes. I believe there are some runners who cannot fathom the effort it takes for other runners to remain dedicated to a goal. I believe there are runners who determine a fellow runner's worth merely by their finishing time. Which is sad. But if there is such animosity, why hasn't someone began a series of races that caters to those people who are not good enough to qualify for the Olympic Trials, but are apparently so much better than those of us who have enabled cities across the country to put on a marathon by virtue of our participation. 

I'll have more to say next week - given the opportunity.

Listening to: Would I Lie to You - Eurythmics

Closing Argument: True story, when my best friend ran his first marathon, he missed the cutoff by perhaps five minutes. Five minutes and no medal. He trained, but drew a bad day to run a marathon. However, there were many individuals who started two hours before the gun went off that received medals, shirts and mugs. This was fair how?

Smack in the Face

Opening Statement

The first cold weather run of the season always seems like an ice pick to the forehead.

Thanks to the end of Daylight Savings and bunking in an earlier time zone, when 2:30 AM rolled around, the body was ready to roll out of bed. Since I have reached that age where it's just better not to fight these things, I just went with it. Sufficiently bored by 4:30, I opted to head over to the Home of the Huskies, the local high school. Bathed in moonlight and backlit by snow covered mountains I completed my first speed workout of the season and the first since my knee injury.

Further, since "Husky Stadium" features concrete bleachers, after my speed workout I chose to do some plyometric exercises as well. Let's just say the run back to my hotel through the throbbing, yet silent metropolis of Sandy, UT was a bit wobbly.

Temperature during this 45 odd minutes of fun was 37 degrees with a feels like of 34. Thankfully, the UV Index was reading zero - so I had that going for me... That said, I have learned that, without any uncertainty, the knee does not like the cold. Therefore, I will have to insist that if the city of Sandy, UT would like my continued patronage over the next several months of my latest project, that heaters need to be installed along my chosen running routes soon.

Listening to: Dance Spam Dance - Speedway 69

Closing Argument: Cold weather running shares both a positive and a negative - you don't realize how cold you are until you stop. And of course, once your sweat starts crystallizing; well, just insert appropriate suckitude here.

Race Report - Halloween Halfathon

Opening Statement

Sweat, baby, sweat.

Mother Nature is apparently not a supporter of races on Halloween in Florida. Rising temperatures and big humidity were the story of the Inaugural Halloween Halfathon at Fort De Soto Beach, just south of St. Petersburg, FL.

Nearly 600 folks battled to the finish of the Halloween Halfathon Saturday. Humidity approaching 100% at the gun and temperatures quickly rising into the 80's as the sun ascended gave runners all they could handle. In the spirit of Halloween, costumes were optional. Also optional was discarding costumes after sunrise when the heat started to beat down on the runners.

The race started at least ten minutes late as organizers wanted to ensure all the details had been covered and that water stations were ready to receive runners. The ten extra minutes of darkness would have been welcomed by most runners - especially after the sun began its relentless beatdown. Other than the late start time, things were pretty smooth. Road crossings and closures were easy; the course was well marked and the water stations well-stocked (although a few of them could have used an extra body). The volunteers, many in festive costumes, were absolutely wonderful.

The only negative was the post race amenities. After an initial bottle of water upon crossing thing finish line, hydration was hard to find. Well, except for the beer. But, for many runners, beer was out of the question. Another issue was hot food. If this race had been run under much, much, much cooler temperatures, hot food would have been welcome. But when the body is overheating, hot food is not on the menu. There were several dozen boxes of donuts, but you can imagine what the heat and humidity did to them.

A Single Sensational PR

My goal for this race was to help my sister-in-law, Victoria, set a new Half Marathon PR. This was her first race since giving birth and the weather was not favorable. As conditions deteriorated, she struggled. But she never gave up. And although I felt like an ass at times (it feels bad to deny someone a walk break, among other things), when we rounded the final turn and could see the clock, I knew it was worth it. She came in just under 2:16, a new PR. 

Proud!

My wife, Jaclyn, was slated to run the Half Marathon, but dropped to the 5K. I am very proud of her for doing so. This race has no time limit, so she could have easily walked and received a shiny medal. But having been ill the entire week leading up to the race, she was in no condition to do 13.1 miles. Rather than give in to the lure of a medal, she kept the big picture in mind (Goal - Tampa Marathon) and went for an easy 3.1 mile jog. We all know how hard it is to drop to a shorter race or drop a race altogether, but she definitely made the right decision.

Even the Mother-in-law was Running

My mother-in-law, Zee also conquered what Nature dished out, running and walking 13.1 miles for a finisher's medal of her own.

Race Moment

I finally met the infamous tag-team of Morgan and B.O.B (fake blogger names to protect the innocent). As Victoria and I headed out to the turnaround, Morgan and B.O.B were on their back way in. I first encountered B.O.B, who looked really good. Then, moments later she was followed by Morgan, who, um, uh, didn't look quite as good (you can read her post to understand why). I also had the opportunity to meet them briefly post race. Perhaps we'll get to hang out a little longer when Tampa 2010 rolls around.

My Race

Other than feeling like a complete dick at times, I had a very copacetic race. I think my mother-in-law summed it up best when we encountered her (we were inbound, she was outbound), "Victoria looked like she wanted to kill someone, Jamoosh looked like he was just out there having a good time." Indeed I was.  

Listening to: the sound of traffic nine floors up

Closing Argument: Pacing someone to a specific goal is not the easiest thing in the world. Especially when you do not know their capabilities. It is also a challenge to figure out what will motivate them - and how this changes as the race goes on. To her credit, Victoria not only put up with me for 13.1 miles, but she also made it the entire race without directing any f-bombs at me! 

Last Mile Lounge - Don't be that Runner

Opening Statement

The Lounge is on the road this morning; setting up shop in Tampa, F.L. for the weekend.

Well of course you need these...  

 

Buy yours here.

There are run-tards everywhere - you don't need to be one.

You may think your performance in the shower rivals that of a classically trained opera singer. However, while it is OK to sing along to the Star Spangled Banner during pre-race festivities, it is not OK to put your own spin on it. You have an octave range of zero - Don't be that runner.

Spandex is great for those of us who chafe. But guys, spandex down to your knees - under your shorts? A woman can pull off any look - the most handsome man; not so much. Don't be that runner.

If your ass has its own time zone, perhaps lining up at the starting line with the elite runners is not such a good idea. Don't be that runner.

Further, if you have blogged or spoken the words, "I am only running for fun" about the current race, ship your butt to the back of the pack. Don't be that runner.

You paid the money, but you didn't train appropriately. You have no grounds to complain about the race. Don't be that runner.

Dude - singlet overhang - really? Don't be that runner.

Just because you arrived late, it does not give you the right to bully your way up to the starting line. Don't be that runner.

Warming up prior to a race is recommended. Warming up when everyone is bunched together, awaiting the start - not so much. Don't be that runner.

Stopping in the middle of the course to tie you shoe is not the move of a genius. Don't be that runner.

The fact that you and five friends decided to bond by running a race together is darn cool. The fact that you have stretched yourselves across a lane and a half of the course is not. Don't be those runners.

We're all going to stink at the end of a race. That doesn't mean we should stink at the beginning of a race. Don't be that runner.

If the door handle shows red, there is no need to pound on the port-a-potty. Don't be that runner.

I can't think of a good reason to come to a complete stop at a water station. Don't be that runner.

You worked hard to catch up and pass me. I respect that. Now why did you feel it was necessary to get directly in front of me and slow down? Don't be that runner.

Snot happens. Please look before you fire that rocket. Don't be that runner.

I cannot fathom why you would need to litter the course with your empty gel packets. Don't be that runner.

Listening to: These are the Fables - The New Pornographers

Closing Argument: Good running to all this weekend!

Pain in the Feet

Opening Statement

Running barefoot has thus far, been much less painful on my feet, than this past Sunday's Half Marathon run in shoes. Stupid shoes. Yeah, I'll have at least one black toenail as a memento from this race.

First race in 22 months. I forgot how much the start of a race sucks. Sure, excitement and trepidation abound. That is, right up until the time the gun goes off; then you realize there are a bunch of morons standing near the starting line. Indeed, 7.3% of the ten minute plus pace runners (85 runners for those counting at home) thought they would be competing for the win (if anyone cares I used 9 seconds gun/chip differential to determine proximity to the starting line and further, just as a reference, a 10 minute pace would have put you more than an hour behind the winner). Furthermore, 30% of those with a ten plus pace lined up in the first third of all runners. For the record, I lined up just beyond halfway back.

So enough with the stats. On to the report. I thought the weather might be ideal until I checked the humidity. I don't care what the temperature is, when the humidity is 93% at the start of the race, it's not a good thing. Of course, there is nothing that can be done about the humidity. Oh wait, if we didn't have this extended Day Light Savings bullsh*t, humidity at race start would have been a more manageable 72%. Not ideal, but not 93% either. Screw you and your special interest groups Congress!

The good news is that I had my one woman support crew (Jaclyn) on hand and we found a sweet spot where she could stand in the median and could be there for me coming and going. Further, since it was a looped course, she saw me almost every two miles. Also, we didn't have to deal with downtown parking and I was able to do a mile or so jog to the start/finish line as a warm up.

Let me just say that I just love seeing my wife on the course. It's very uplifting, regardless of how the race is going.

Speaking of the race, this one was just plain disturbing. Looking at my mile splits, I was everything but consistent. My pace was all over the place, which tells me I have got lots of work to do. I also took two walk breaks - mainly because I am retarded. The first was to down an energy gel and the second was at a water stop on the final loop because I have not mastered the cup of water to lips while running activity. Trust me when I say it's much better for everyone if I just walk. I am sure you will call me a Doofus and I agree with you.

Allen Parkway offers up the least flat course in Houston. In fact, it is anything but flat. It features two underpassess that qualify as hills, which transaltes into twelve total hills. The rest of the course is, for the most part, either an incline or decline. So surprisingly, my left knee held up remarkably well. I won't say it was 100%, but I don't think running half marathons will be an issue going forward. On the otherhand, my right leg was tight for most of the second half of the race. I did try to stretch it a bit during both of my walk breaks to no avail. I just pushed through it because, well, you know, the whole awesomeness thing.

I assume that many of you are wondering about my time so you can compare yourself favorably. Let me start by saying that Vanilla should have ordered the French Maid outfit for his wife. God bless you Vanilla (italics removed per RazZDoodle), may you enjoy the moment as I am sure Candis will hold this against you for the rest of your life.

Prior to the race, Dennis (random running person known to very few of you I am sure) asked me what I was looking at as far as race time. I told him that I felt like I had a 1:58:00 in me (despite the humidity). Gun time = 1:58:45. Chip time = 1:56:46. 744/2405 overall (pending) and 80/181 age group. Truth be told, humidity or no humidity, I don't think I could have done any better than that. I am more than ecstatic over my results - especially since it's my first race back. That's right suckers, Jamoosh is back!

Failure and Success

One of my goals for this race was to reach the halfway point prior to getting lapped by the leader(s). FAILURE! I thought I was doing well until I heard "Leaders approaching, please move to the right." Damn, damn and damn, what the hell, is Ryan Hall running this race?

On the other hand, when I last ran this race in 2007 I was chicked at the finish line. In my defense, I didn't bother to sprint because I was busting my PR by five minutes and a woman I had just passed decided that while I did have a sweet looking ass, she preferred to finish in front of it. I took solace in knowing that my chip time was over a minute faster than hers, but the record will show that she finished in front of me. Not this year folks. If I took you down in the last half mile, you stayed down. SUCCESS!

Thank You and Thank You

Massive thanks to my wife for providing support for this race. She often runs in the same races, so it is always a treat when she is out on the course cheering me on! Also a quick shout out to Carolyn and the rest of the Houston Fit folks out cheering as well. When it comes down to it, the fans are just as important to the race as the runners and the volunteers.

Listening to: Jump - Van Halen

Closing Argument: Thankfully I have quick reaction time every now and then. When I ran jogged into the water station on hte final loop the female directly in front me  stopped dead in her tracks to get water. Let's just say it was so sudden and the distance so small that I was at risk for sexual harrassment charges.

On Golden Pond

Opening Statement

Today is my wife's birthday. I would mention how old she is, but that is not important. What is important is that apparently I missed my trade in window so now I am stuck with her. Doh!

I am well on my way to believing that "the Gods" are female. I say this because when appeasing one God, you may thoroughly upset another. Take this past weekend for example. On Saturday, since I was "in the vicinity" of Spec's (henceforth referred to as the Beer Store), I opted to stop by. All was well; I found a few new brews to taste and was happy to walk out of the Beer Store with a minor purchase (minor being relative). But what ho - do my eyes deceive me or did I just see what I thought I saw? No, no, no, it wasn't a puddy cat, but something much, much better tasting: Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron. Oh my, the Beer Gods have deemed me worthy and who am I to forsake their blessing.

However, one cannot just steal away with a reward from the Beer Gods. One must give thanks and the appropriate means to give thanks is to enjoy a single Palo Santo Marron, a wonderfully intoxicating Brown Ale. Therefore, shackled by the grace of the Beer Gods I poured the 12% abv libation into a glass on Saturday night and sipped contentedly, not realizing I was causing offense elswhere.

That's right, the Running Gods were none too content. Indeed, regardless of the fact that I had pleased them earlier with my sacrifices, consumming alcohol the evening before a race can only be looked upon in a negative manner. The price would be paid.

Sunday morning - race day. Temperatures in the low sixties - nice. WTF? Double take: WTF? WTF? Can I be reading that correctly - 93% humidity. What hath I wrought?

Direct This

So why is it that nearly all race directors insist on holding races on Sunday? Do they realize how inconvenient this is? First of all, Saturday night festivities are basically out of the question. Second, why must my recovery day be the first day of the work week? Third, isn't Sunday supposed to be a day of rest?

Go 2660!

Anyway, race report coming some time this week.

Wall of Fame

Carolyn, a recent Boston Qualifier, get's added to the Wall Fame for November. Carolyn was out cheering for a number of runners yesterday and made a poster just for good old Jamoosh. If that doesn't qualify someone for the Wall of Fame, I don't know what does. Congratulations Carolyn and thanks for cheering me (and others) on!

Listening to: Garden Grove - Sublime

Closing Argument: Happy Birthday to my wife Jaclyn. It took 37 years to find the right woman and if anyone thinks I am going to play this game again for another 37 years I ask that you seriously consider some drug counseling. So yeah, I am going to keep her. 

Excuse #1 I Am Not Fit To Run

Opening Statement

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great - Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

Somebody smack me before the mush factor causes the terror threat level to rise.

So then, I did a little decorating in my wife's room. You know, that random deed that shows I believe I missed her at least once during the time she was away in a foreign country having to fend off Pablo and Francisco and their love of men's cologne. Of course, what you are not seeing is the pile of clothes, which is a true gesture of my solace. Yes, Sweetie - 30 days of laundry just wating for you!

Regardless, the real reason I am posting is that I already have my first excuse if tomorrow's race goes like crapatola. You see all those balloons? Depletion of my oxygen reserves. What if I run out during the race? Not. Good.

Now, there is also the issue of this little bet I have on the side with Vanilla. One thing I did not consider is that my wife owns a 357 magnum and while I may be the Master of my Domain it is only applicable as far as my ability to outrun a bullet. Ergo, my goal for tomorrow's run is to move as fast as the weather and my knee will allow.

Listening to: They - Jem

Closing Argument: They say absence makes the heart (on) grow fonder. Sorry, just had to go there. Leave in disgust if you must.

Last Mile Lounge - Status Edition

Opening Statement

The Lounge is feeling a little frisky this week. Some lovelies enjoying the hot tub include Jessica Alba, Emily Deschanel (have I mentioned I have recently gotten into "Bones"?), and Gabrielle Union. 

The last day of Freedom is upon us; within 24 hours the wife will return after nearly a month in Brazil. One last chance for my mind to wander around the gutter.

Thankfully they don't have internet in Brazil. What do you mean they have internet in Brazil? Crap, I am so busted.

Status Update

Bucket of KFC - Check  - I laid waste to that sucker (I got a mixed bucket and all I am saying is my grilled chicken is much better than the KFC version) Suggestion courtesy of Rachael.

Tub of Guacamole - Check once and check twice (Guac gives me gas. Luckily the wife was away. Not so lucky for the cat who at one point was hovering about two feet above the couch before plummeting)

Bathroom Door: open all day; all night; twenty-four continuous hours; every damn day - Check (Singing in the bathroom - double check)

Double Death Chili Cheese Dogs - Done and done although payment for said chili dogs was not so sweet

Better Off Dead - Check (Go that way. Really fast. If something gets in your way...turn)

Kitty Golf - Denied (OK, which one of you tattled?)

Side of Beef - Technically no, but the burgers I grilled up made a Quarter Pounder look like a White Castle.

Conserving Water - Self Denied. It's still humid in Houston so showers were necessary after outdoor activities.

Women's College Volleyball - Check (Not technically on the list, but I watched more women's volleyball during the last month than I have in the last ten years - somebody tell me this is a good thing)

That Was My Skull - Check (Some music was just meant to be played loud - know what I mean)

Listening to: Daddy's Gone - Glasvegas

Closing Argument: Regardless of the distance; whether you are training or racing; have a great run this weekend. 

Puddles of Joy

Opening Statement

Ooooo, how I love the rainy days and the happy way I feel inside - Neil Sedaka

73 degrees and rain. The Running Gods are surely smiling upon me. Hence, what better way to honor them than a barefoot four miles as they spread copious droplets of delight around the neighborhood.

OK, I am just going to say it - running barefoot in the rain is "way" more fun than running in shoes. Seriously, could puddles be any more joyful? I think not.

I am well aware that English and Journalism majors will smite me for the usage of the term "way." Let's face it, you never say someone is "way" dead - you, of course, say they are "all" dead or "mostly" dead. However, in this case I believe it sums up exactly how I feel at the moment - like a pre-pubescent school girl all giddy about going to a Shaun Cassidy concert (OK, a giddy 70's pre-pubescent school girl).

There you go - Shaun Cassidy circa the 70's. Now you too can feel like a giddy school girl. Don't go and get light-headed on me now ladies.

The Gauntlet

In a strange and unpredictable turn of events, my goal for the Houston Half Marathon has become as murky as a South Carolina swamp. Vanilla has challenged me to beat his time of 2:06 last weekend. To wit:

We'll make it a bet, you try to beat my time and the loser's wife has to wear the uniform to clean?

Hmmm, it's almost as though winning is losing. That Vanilla is a sneaky bastard and I would expect nothing less from the man behind the downfall of many of this nation's financial institutions. I will have to marinate on this although I suspect Vanilla is already ordering up a French Maid uniform for Candis.

Listening to: Got To Get You Into My Life - Earth, Wind & Fire

Closing Argument:  Some of you may be wondering if either Vanilla or myself consulted our wives on the above proposition. Uh hello, Masters of our Domain! 

Clear Up and Clean Up

Opening Statement

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

I need to clear up a little confusion. Based on some comments and emails I have received, some readers thought that besting Vanilla's half marathon time in Denver was a possible goal of mine. Sorry folks; just not true.

First, I merely mentioned Vanilla because over in Half-Fast Land he off-handedly dared readers to track his results and I posted his time as a minor jab. My assumption was that this would be quite obvious since everybody reads Half-Fast. I mean everybody. Heck, even my mom reads Vanilla's blog before she reads mine.

Second, it would not be fair because in order for there to be a competition, both players/runners/teams need to be involved. Further, you cannot compare the times between two different races. Running in Denver and Houston are two different animals - that's before you introduce differences in the course and the elements.

All that being said, if I do best Vanilla's time this coming weekend, if you, my most awesome readers, want to conclude that I am a better runner than Vanilla - and by virtue, more handsome - that is your prerogative. You and Bobby Brown, hanging loose! Conversely, if I am unable to crack the 2:06 mark, I will provide numerous excuses.

Seriously, have you ever pulled up to a stoplight and secretly raced the other person off the line? Of course you have. Go ahead and admit it; I won't judge you (secretly judging you). This is akin to that, and Jamoosh don't play that.

Maid Service

One of my wonderful readers recommended maid service prior to my wife's return from Brazil, which is this Saturday. Well, let me tell you something. I called around and you know what? Nobody wears the uniform. Nobody.

WTF? Am I asking too much? It's not like these services are cheap either. If I am paying for the cleaning experience, I want the whole, the full, the complete cleaning experience. Luckily, since I spent six years in the US Navy, not only can I disassemble and rebuild a nuclear missile, I am highly trained in the custodial black arts.

Today is garbage day so any and all the evidence is out with the trash. We've also been blessed with "window" weather this week, so I have been able to air out the house. Furthermore, this week I discovered that our kitchen features a contraption whereby you put dirty dishes in, press a button, and clean dishes are the result. Holy crap - Do they make something like this for laundry too? I thought I was having an issue getting the "hooker" smell out of the guest bedroom, but then I emptied the cat's litter box. Sometimes it's the little things.

Listening to: Mambo Swing - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Closing Argument: I don't want to brag or anything, but a case could be made for Jamoosh - Cleaning Ninja. And no, your house/apartment/refridgerator box is not worthy of my skilz.